Thank you for Practicing Perspective with me! I hope your practice so far is bringing you meaningful nuggets of wisdom or helping downshift your nervous system or redirecting that pesky little narrative in your head that can often be in auto-pilot mode with distress signals flashing bright red.

The more you practice, the more you transform your thinking – and your mood, your body parts, your outlook on life, your problem-solving superpowers, your cortisol levels, your sleep prowess, and your relationships to others and to yourself… among many other things we call being human.

Your practice and support here brings ease to the world. 🥰

Ease to the World? How Does That Work…?

When we view the Yoga Sutras through an energetic lens, the wisdom starts to sound less like they came from a philosopher in a cave and more like from a neuroscientist of human fields. The Yoga Sutras were scribed long before our western lexicon of words like “vibes” or “Debbie Downer,” but the idea is there: inner states move outward, ripple through action, and quietly impact the space around us.

Energy is transferred through our actions, attitudes, and presence.

Yoga Sutra 1.33

मैत्रीकरुणामुदितोपेक्षाणां सुखदुःखपुण्यापुण्यविषयाणां भावनातश् चित्तप्रसादनम् ॥ १.३३ ॥

maitrī–karuṇā–muditā–upekṣāṇāṁ sukha–duḥkha–puṇya–apuṇya–viṣayāṇāṁ bhāvanātaś citta–prasādanam

The mind becomes clear and serene when qualities of the heart are cultivated:

• friendliness toward those who are happy,

• compassion toward those who suffer,

• joy toward those who do good,

• and equanimity toward those who do harm.

This sutra is essentially a textbook perspective on emotional transmission and co-regulation. It teaches us how the quality of the mind - our inner attitude or ‘felt disposition’ is, by extension, the relational field we inhabit.

Friendliness, compassion, joy, and equanimity are not just private emotions we observe or experience within. They are states that radiate.

You Could Cut The Tension With A Knife!

We all know this catchphrase. Walk into a room where there is relationship conflict or after an argument has just moved into a cease fire and you can clearly tell the ‘dust is still settling’. You don’t even need to observe body language to detect something is off - it may be a room where conflict happens often.

In more neurosciencey terms, the nervous system notices before the intellect does. This sutra quietly teaches that harmony is entrained, not announced.

Alternatively, we all know of people that are known for their ‘chill’ essence, possessing a calm demeanor, regardless of any chaos that may be happening around them.

You know the type, even in the midst of a crisis situation, they are laser focused on problem-solving outwardly while others in the situation are reacting with emotions outwardly. This can be a parent or grandparent, a mentor or doctor or minister or friend or random stranger.

Does this mean they are ‘better’ than those that express distress or fear or anger emotionally? No. This is just an example that demonstrates the felt sense of Sutra 1.33. In fact, it reminds us of the human condition to be continually explored and our capacity to adapt, evolve, grow.

We all have the capacity to regulate our emotional response, especially with the tools of the breath and the yoga sutras.

“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience; we are spiritual beings having a human experience.”

~ Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, French Philosopher and Jesuit Priest

Modern psychology mirrors this sutra as co-regulating the nervous system and takes it beyond just philosophy.

Let’s Take a Look At This Mirror

Yoga Sutra Reference: Maitrī = FRIENDLINESS

In textbook psychology, friendliness maps directly onto what is called a prosocial affiliative signal.

Warm facial expressions, approachable/welcoming body language, steady voice tone, and non-threatening dialogue activate what psychologists describe as the social engagement system. Embodying friendliness is one nervous system saying to another nervous system “you are safe with me”, before cognition kicks in.

Yoga Sutra Reference: Karuṇā = COMPASSION

Compassion is not emotional collapse. Psychology is clear on this.

Compassion involves: recognizing distress, remaining grounded in its presence, offering attuned response without absorption.

In attachment theory and trauma psychology, this is called containment. A regulated nervous system can “hold” another’s distress without becoming dysregulated itself.

This is co-regulation in action - one stable system lends its steadiness to another, a.k.a. States that Radiate…

Yoga Sutra Reference: Muditā = JOY

Muditā is joy without rivalry, joy that does not escalate into dominance, envy, or self-inflation. Psychologically, this preserves parasympathetic balance. It allows connection without nervous-system spike.

The sutra anticipates what psychology later confirms: how we meet positive emotion matters as much as how we meet pain.

Yoga Sutra Reference: Upekṣā = EQUANIMITY

Equanimity in the face of distress, chaos or harmful behavior is often misunderstood. Psychology clarifies it beautifully.

Equanimity is not disengagement. It is regulated boundary.

In clinical terms, this is the ability to: perceive threat, maintain nervous-system stability and avoid reactive escalation. This may also be referred to as ‘cortisol management’ in today’s modern learned stress response.

This protects both parties from sympathetic hijacking. It stops dysregulation from spreading.

Different Language, Same Outcome

The convergence point: the goal of sutra 1.33 as citta-prasādanam (sweet disposition of the mind; grace) or the psychological goal of co-regulation leading to clarity.

Psychology’s result is increased emotional regulation, cognitive flexibility, and relational safety.

Modern psychology might summarize sutra 1.33 this way: when we embody relationally regulating emotional states with intention, we stabilize our own nervous system and invite regulation in others.

The science simply confirms what Sutra 1.33 already knew: regulation is contagious, maybe even across species...!

The Practice of Sutra 1.33

Yoga teaches us that we can flex our awareness muscle, recognize emotions and allow them to move through us, then take action with intention; eventually gaining our footing for a grounded purpose of connection.

The practice of perspective supports this emotional regulation, it does not simply replace ‘bad’ emotions or judge ‘good’ ones. This Yoga Sutra teaches us the power of these emotions energetically. Even if we share in the distress of heart-breaking news by crying together, it can invariably lead to healing together, activating a sense of solidarity in our social connections.

As you continue this practice of awareness, consider people in your world, tribe, network, team, etc… that you can lean on for energetic support or deeper learning. This yoga sutra is a tool of knowledge you can utilize the next time you might encounter hardship.

Woo-hoo, let’s do this making the world a better place thing - or make brownies like a 5 year old! Whatever gives you the felt sense experience of the yoga sutras today.

Gray Matter Matters

Alright, so research is super boring to many of us in jobs without goggles and white lab coats… But what’s more important here is that it’s nice to know someone was willing to jot down some data about a few human guinea pigs willing to take the leap into meditation for mental health and heart health for the rest of us.

Spoiler Alert! Meditation offers a bonanza of health benefits, encompassing both mental and physical well-being - and including both structural and functional changes to certain brain regions.

Below are a few ‘cut to the chase’ findings that just scratch the surface with a rapid-fire round of links. It might be enough to convince you to give it another go, because who doesn’t want to feel like a calm, collected yoga guru who can just sip kombucha and ignore ‘said perceived’ problems?

IS THERE A ‘RESEARCH SUTRA’?

Yep, more or less... The text of the Yoga sutras start by clarifying there are five activities of the mind.

This yoga sutra is about one of the five activities of the mind: clear perception - ‘right knowledge’.

SUTRA 1.7

प्रत्यक्षानुमानागमाः प्रमाणानि ॥१.७॥

pratyakṣānumānāgamāḥ pramāṇāni

The sources of right knowledge are: direct perception, inference and reference to reliable authorities.

This is an important part of the ancient text on yoga as misperception (sutra 1.8) is the overarching cause of suffering when it comes to observing the fluctuations of the mind (big surprise!). More on that in a later post…

Back to sutra 1.7 - which teaches us that clear perception - ‘right knowledge’ can be affirmed through three different ways or lenses:

1. Direct Perception (Pratyakṣa): This refers to knowledge obtained through our direct experience or senses.

2. Inference (Anumana): This is knowledge derived from reasoning or deduction, i.e. where there’s smoke, there’s some sort of fire.

3. Testimony (Āgama): This is knowledge based on reliable sources, such as expert teachings or in this case credible research, from authoritative figures of the topic or in the tradition.

The research information here presents clear perception or ‘right’ knowledge through the second and third lenses, serving as an encouraging motivation for each of us to gain our own perception through the first lens.

To acquire knowledge, one must study; but to acquire wisdom, one must observe.

And, by the way, sometimes clear perception can still cause suffering. Imagine the discovery that a loved one has died or a logistical reason you have to move away from your friends and beloved community or breaking your wrist before competing in the finals of the world pickle ball championship…

The aspect of suffering still presents the opportunity to practice perspective - practice the realization that change is just a necessary part of life and the awareness of attachment. Ground yourself in the present moment for a world of transformational possibilities that still lie ahead when you move on the with the practice of detachment (sutra 1.12, coming soon to Sutra Tuesdays!).

WELCOME TO YOUR NEXT RABBIT HOLE

Stress Reduction:

Meditation is like hitting the ‘pause’ button on life, so you can stop freaking out about your boss, your kids and your Wi-Fi not working - in that order and before the automatic brew cycle on your coffee maker even starts. Think of the benefits of meditation as giving your brain a three day weekend - that extra day off really takes off the edge.

And we’ll be spending an entire Sutra Tuesday on the links between the activity of the mind and cortisol spikes, a.k.a. the stress hormone.

Anxiety Control:

Anxiety comes in all shapes and sizes and meditation is a one size fits all solution that can really help chip away at it - with practice, over time. Remember, anxiety is generated by patterns and habits of thinking, so meditation requires the same habit of unthinking or retraining your system with new brain activity. Make it a hearty meal plan alongside servings of exercise or breath work or talk therapy, and you’re good as gold!

Enhanced Emotional Health:

We all have those ‘less-desirable’ emotions, if you know what I mean. Meditation helps you to ‘uninvite’ those undesirables so that they never show up in the first place. Flexing that awareness muscle into your breath frequently will train your brain to work with your nervous system like a trained monkey.

You’ll find it’s like having a personal drama detection implant with a Zen setting, guiding you through life’s potholes and subsequent coffee spills with greater ease.

Increased Self-Awareness:

If you ever wonder, “Who am I? What am I doing with my life? Why am I eating a sandwich at 2AM?”—then meditation is your new personal assistant. It’ll help you stay on top of your inner appointments and clear out the fog for a distraction-free, collaborative meeting between your mind and your soul [a.k.a. heart, spirit].

Think of it as a therapy session without the bill. Okay, so therapy is good too… A meditation practice may at least help turn down the excess chatter in your mind so you can discern whether to go to yoga therapy or some other type of therapy.

Improved Attention and Memory

Raise your hand if you lose your keys on a regular basis, spend hours on the same sentence in that weekly project update report, or forget why you walked into the kitchen.

Wait, why is everyone raising their hands again…? Oh, right. Meditation is just a set of push-ups for your brain workout, because the whole point of meditation is, well, practicing focus. Minding your gray matter matters on a regular basis!

Addiction

Remember that awareness muscle we’ve talked about? Mindfulness meditation is a new habit worth forming when you approach it as just one present moment after another, flexing that awareness muscle over and over again, only without the barbells.

Before you know it, you’ll have neuroplasticity blossoms throughout your entire brain, reinforcing the focus to the chill sensation on the inside without the need for anything on the outside. Addiction is a big deal - and so is meditation as a proven tool within a larger toolkit of other research-based treatment strategies.

Improved Sleep:

You ever stare at the ceiling at 3 AM, your brain going a thousand miles an hour? Meditation practices, most notably mindfulness and breathwork, help you turn off the chaotic hamster wheel of your mind. And then—BOOM—you actually fall asleep. Bye-bye insomnia.

Sticking to a mindfulness practice or bitesize meditations throughout your day is like a series of dog biscuits for your brain. Flexing that awareness muscle frequently, and with a side of breathwork, will train your brain to work with your nervous system like two peas in a cozy little pod. It helps you actually sleep like a baby, and without the zoo animal mobile. This research is on par with the effects of exercise and CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). The more consistently you practice, the more consistently you sleep.

Supports Heart Health:

Yes, even you, Gen Z! Look up any statistic on leading causes of death and you’ll find heart disease and stroke take top honors within the first five. Chronic stress generated in the mind affects your blood pressure, and keeping it low (outside of any exercise spurts) goes a long way in keeping you in the better half of those statistics on heart disease and death.

Heart health is better managed through chronic stress reduction in your 20’s and 30s, than in a reactive state in your 60s. It’s complementary to all those longevity tips you’ve been seeing everywhere these days. Meditation is a really handy start before you reach the brink of decoding which of your cholesterol numbers are moving in the right direction.

Keeping your heart healthy has a bit of Yin Yang strategy to it: on the one hand, lower blood pressure by lowering chronic stress is important for consistent health; while elevating your heart rate with exercise will roto-rooter your circulatory system with blood acting as a sort of natural ‘Drano’ keeping your arteries squeaky clean of plaque build-up and your vessels flexible to ongoing cleanup.

There goes yoga again, reminding us of the nature of balance everywhere.

So back to meditation and the beauty of this non-age-discriminatory workout - it’s portable, it doesn’t require any equipment or gym fees, it doesn’t even take a ton of time for a practice. Meditation and yoga act like two bodyguards sitting on your ticker, and turning away a whole myriad of shady, stress-inducing characters trying to get through those velvet ropes.

It’s not a one size fits all solution for everyone, your doctor will help discern its role — and so will some of this research offered here.

OKAY, BUT HOW DOES MEDITATION REALLY WORK…?

Feeling the effects for yourself is one thing, then understanding the alchemy beyond the brain at a deeper conscious level is a whole new ballgame.

If you want to take a deeper dive into more recent research, dedicated to the more ‘quantum’, if you will, workings of meditation pertaining to that human integrated experience of body-mind-spirit, this is an interesting rabbit hole.

Matthew Sacchet, PhD, at Harvard University is a white lab coat guy going beyond the pathologies of the body and coalescing ancient wisdom with a modern science approach.

Checkout his approach in the links offered in the BONUS here for annual subscribers.

BOTTOM LINE: GRAY MATTER MATTERS

Meditation and yoga helps you mind your matters in various ways that gray matter matters to you! It aint a miracle pill, but neither is binge watching White Lotus after a stressful day, so why not give this a try too and see.

✨BONUS:

As promised, if you’re looking for links to verify ‘clear perception’ research studies through multiple expert resources, I’m offering a bonus PDF for all annual subscribers who join the community here before January 1st.

Subscribe now

✨✨DOUBLE BONUS:

Here’s my first Meditation, added to the Meditation Section - Enjoy!

Ah yes, there are so many references and formats of meditation from a variety of teachers, or in entertainment and western culture. We can easily get caught up in trying to put a label or definition upon it, or compare our experience with others. This is just the Ego’s effort in overthinking or judging or resisting something that cannot be understood without experiencing it - over and over again.

It may help to return to the intention or purpose, which is rooted in the very second sutra - “harnessing/mastering the fluctuations of the mind”.

Why Do We Want To Harness The Fluctuations Of The Mind?

Because the thoughts in our mind often cause suffering, which leads to behaviors and actions that aren’t in alignment with our core values, purpose or intentions.

And research on meditation has shown us our capacity to become more compassionate, strengthen mental health, reduce stress, regulate emotions and just breath easier.

Yoga empowers you with tools to find inner peace and clarity. Meditation is a practice of focus that enables a greater sense of awareness. This can lead us in a process of discernment - or practicing perspective; just as kettle balls or a treadmill, etc… restore your body’s functionality or strength - which may also alleviate an experience of suffering.

Meditation is a practice of the mind that restores us to our true nature - an egoless nature; it brings us back home.

I Thought Home Meant Throw Pillows, Kitchen Appliances, and a Flatscreen TV?

This is the cultural and language-driven influence of words. “Home is where the heart is” is the catchphrase that may help here.

Models in nature can help us understand meditation from a process or visual place, using two beautiful examples often provided in Buddhist teachings.

You are the sky and the thoughts are simply clouds that come and go. Some thoughts are fleeting and wispy; some thoughts are billowy and bursting with energy into the shape of a mountain of cotton balls; some thoughts are dark and stormy and violent. They all move and eventually pass by, revealing the blue sky that was always there all along – just like your true nature. Clouds are a natural human experience and meditation calms the imbalance of the mind, restoring you back to human harmony; returning you back home.

Another example is to imagine the shallow banks of a lake. When the water is calm, you can see the stillness in the surface of the lake, as if it is a sheet of glass. You can peer through that calm surface and see all that lies within and available for you to see clearly.

Step into the lake and the surface ripples and becomes disturbed. The mud or sediments at the bottom now appear, not unlike clouds in the sky, as the once glass-like clarity now becomes murky, foggy with the movement of other elements in the lake.

“Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and the stars mirrored in your own being.”

The three sutras introducing us to the process of meditation, break this down into three steps of sorts.

*Note - these are also 3 of the 8 Limbs of Yoga. The intention of yoga is to practice all limbs for the full experience of human harmony; however, the intention of this post is to simply focus on these 3 limbs:

Yoga Sutra 3.1

देशबन्धश्चित्तस्य धारणा ॥३.१॥

Deśa-bandhaś cittasya dhāraṇā.

Concentration is binding the mind to one place.

Yoga Sutra 3.2

तत्र प्रत्ययैकतानता ध्यानम् ॥३.२॥

Tatra pratyaya-ikatānatā dhyānam.

Meditation is the continuous flow of cognition toward that object.

Yoga Sutra 3.3

तदेवार्थमात्रनिर्भासं स्वरूपशून्यमिव समाधिः ॥३.३॥

Tad eva artha-mātra-nirbhāsaṁ svarūpa-śūnyam iva samādhiḥ.

When only the object shines forth, as if the ‘self’ is absent, that is samādhi.

The goal of these sutras is clarity and tuning into your true nature, not escape. As one of our yoga teachers, T.K.V. Desikachar cautions us on a potential misunderstanding of samadhi as “checking out” of life; instead, it is profound presence and appropriate action.

Let’s just step back from the brink of a deep philosophical cavern of what it means to meditate and take a beat. We aren’t ‘removing’ the self, per se; we are connecting to a greater way of being - a greater universal sense of oneness. It’s easy to overthink meditation, while the purpose of this post is about experiencing it for yourself.

Let’s Practice!

I’ll guide you in this meditation using our breath. The breath is our anchor, a series of guide posts leading us back home. In this practice, we are going to create that still water, blue sky in the journey towards the gap.

I’ll begin by reading a beautiful teaching from a Tibetan teacher - this is an excerpt from the book: The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, by Sogyal Rinpoche.

Then we’ll share a meditation experience together.

“So long as you have a mind, there will be thoughts and emotions.”

~Sogyal Rinpoche, Author - The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying

Well, How Did It Go For You?

Maybe take a few minutes to just write freely - even just one-word answers to connect with the experience in a practice of reflection, hand to paper:

✨ did you feel a sense of stillness in the body?

✨ did you feel a sense of stillness in the mind?

✨ did you watch emotions and thoughts come and go?

✨ how did it feel in the body when you were finished?

If you have any lingering questions, feel free to post in the comments below! Welcoming any responses from the community to further dialogue on this particular meditation experience.

ICYMI

Want to continue learning about meditation? Here’s an earlier post about meditation, in case you missed it:

Meditation is a tool for the mind, just as a barbell is a tool for the muscle or a baseball mitt is a tool for the hand. Or a spatula to cake batter, and a steak knife to steak, for that matter…

The goal for a meditation practice is directing the focus of the mind and quieting a narrative of thoughts that is often generated from the ego’s perspective, or from somewhere in the past or future. The actual practice of meditation happens one moment after another – some moments are quiet and calm, while other moments are spent redirecting focus from whether you’ll have a burrito or a bowl for lunch today back into the breath.

No one starts training for a marathon by running 26 miles.

No one starts playing piano with the sheet music of Piano Sonata No. 29 in B-flat major by Beethoven.

No one starts practicing medicine after one class of advanced molecular biology.

No one finishes a Pulitzer Prize winning novel in their first writing class.

On the other hand, there is an extremely high potential of experiencing relief from stress and biologically calming your nervous system after one single meditation practice — which then increases the potential we all have to function more fully as human beings.

Yoga Sutra 1.14:

स तु दीर्घकालनैरन्तर्यसत्कारासेवितो दृढभूमिः ॥ १४ ॥

sa tu dīrgha-kāla-nairantarya-satkārāsevitaḥ dṛḍha-bhūmiḥ

The practice becomes firmly established when it is consistent over time, without interruption, and with a quality of positive attitude and eagerness.

Babies learn to walk in order to evolve and grow as a human. We learn to meditate for the exact same reasons. Both take practice. Again, meditation is simply one present moment experience after another.

Maybe I Tried It And Just Don’t Want To Learn How To Play Piano

I get it. That’s how many of us ‘feel’ about meditation…

Or maybe the piano was out of tune and made you sound awful and the sheet of music was too hard and the teacher’s breath smelled they just ate a 5 day old tuna sandwich and instead of bread they used an old gym sock found in the bottom of their closet.

Or maybe you didn’t know about proven research on meditation that helps with any number of health issues you might be experiencing, such as:

• Anxiety

• Increasing memory and focus

• Lowering blood pressure

• Reducing stress

• Cardiovascular disease

• Emotional regulation

• Enhancing treatment for addiction

• Better sleep

• Insomnia

Maybe you didn’t know that walking in nature, without headphones without talking, and tuning into your surroundings, is a form of meditation. It’s focussed awareness, it’s regulating your nervous system and your emotions, it clears your head after that annoying text you just got from you worrisome mother…

Maybe you didn’t know that just sitting on the ground and following a breath practice for 90 seconds is a form of meditation – it’s focused attention, regulates your nervous system and your emotions, and clears your head for that big presentation coming up this afternoon…

Maybe you haven’t found the right meditation practice. Maybe you haven’t found the right teacher. (Hi! Nice to meet you, let’s talk…)

Okay Fine. How Exactly Does Meditation Work?

Well, in the first 10 seconds we settle in with a few deep breaths… and then immediately, our mind is like, “What do I want for lunch today? Why can’t I stop swallowing? Why did I say that weird thing to my coworker in the Kitchen yesterday? I wonder if she told someone else what I said…?”

Yes, the goal is to clear our mind – and yes, it feels like trying to empty a swimming pool with one of those tiny espresso cups that you can’t even fit your finger into the handle.

Just take another deep breath and dip that cup right back into the pool.

At some point you’ll notice that you’ve tossed that espresso cup aside and find yourself happily floating on the surface of your pool of thoughts, your hands clasped behind your head, looking up at a clear blue sky, having accepted them without being swallowed or consumed by them.

Because here’s the actual deal. The more you practice meditation, the more comfortable it becomes. If you simply start with a one minute breath practice, that is meditation. If you practice daily, eventually that one minute will turn into 3 minutes, then 5 minutes daily and so on.

“I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.”

~ Michael Jordan, Basketball Legend, Chicago Bulls

The 31 Flavors For Your Mind’s Tastebuds

There are many types of meditation that have nothing to do with dressing like a Tibetan monk and sitting on a mountain top. Some examples include:

• Guided meditation listening to a teacher’s voice

• Silent meditation

• Walking meditation in nature

• Mantra meditation

• Transcendental Meditation or ‘TM’

• Loving kindness meditation

• Body scan or awareness meditation

That simple breath meditation very well may be the path to exploring other types of meditation.

The Try Try Again Yoga Sutra for Mental Health

The yoga sutras teach us the importance of consistency, dedication and persistence, in order for something to become deeply rooted and transformative. This brings about the notion of respect from this particular sutra, it’s about the gradual development, it’s not about momentary effort or quick results.

Once again, this ancient text is practiced by professional athletes, musicians, and countless experts of countless jobs. The belief that you can’t meditate or that it doesn’t work is unfounded after one try or for one week or with only one type of meditation.

The functionality of the mind, body and spirit is exquisitely engineered to work in harmony. In most cultures, we have been conditioned to engage distractions and fill up our calendars and our minds with multi-tasking. And how’s that workin’ for us? The rise of mental health awareness answers that question.

Yoga re-orients us to the fundamental wisdom of body, mind and spirit from a commercial tagline back to just common sense. Meditation is a balanced, healthy practice of the mind, like vegetables are better for your body than double chocolate mint brownies. No offense to DCMB, they’re my fav!!!…they’re just not biologically healthy for our bodies everyday, as we know stress, lack of sleep and anxiety aren’t biologically healthy for our brain and body…

We are re-learning the natural integration of body, mind and spirit through the tools of meditation and breath and Asana – within the vast wisdom of the yoga sutras.

And it’s time for that scratch on the vinyl that keeps skipping and repeating “it takes practice”.

You got this! Ready to step up to the plate and take another swing? Look out for my section with audio meditation recordings coming soon!

The first time I realized how yoga was actually working in my life - off the mat, beyond the body - was noticing how I felt in my relationships. It was about a month into my training as a yoga therapist.

I didn’t know it at the time, but the reflex of practicing perspective was naturally emerging within my thoughts and communication strategies of all my relationships on a daily basis. Sibling relationships, my partner, my boss, my colleagues, that angry woman at the park one day, the curt customer service rep on the phone - and most importantly, the way I was treating myself.

Thanksgiving stress in a relationship is that yearly reminder that you’re not just married to a person—you’ve married their entire emotional ecosystem. This just might be the yoga sutra you needed in your back pocket this holiday.

Cross the threshold into the home of whoever is hosting this year and it’s as if the room is filled with some sort of invisible, odorless, magical reset gas, transforming your partner – or yourself – into a time-traveling version of a fourteen year old.

As an invited guest, you’re expected to decode ancient family inside jokes while also pretending you don’t notice the tension around the dessert table which resembles an Iron Chef family bake-off of pumpkin pies.

Maybe This Year Will Be Different

One of the more directly applied sutras for enriching our relationships comes from the Eight Limbs of yoga - a starter kit, of sorts, as a roadmap within the greater path laid out by the Yoga Sutras. The first limb teaches us about the Yamas, a sort of pocket guide of relationship principles. “Yama” is Sanskrit for: forbearance, tolerance; restraint, principled.

Yamas were intended as guardrails from our ancient teachers; training wheels on the bicycle of life, keeping us on the path away from suffering. These five guiding principles teach us the practice of awareness in how we relate to ourself, to others and to our environment. They fit nicely within the greater goal of Yoga, to cultivate peace, harmony, and self-awareness.

Yoga Sūtra 2.30

अहिंसासत्यास्तेयब्रह्मचर्यापरिग्रहाः यमाः॥

Ahiṁsā–satya–asteya–brahmacaryā–aparigrahāḥ yamāḥ.

Ahimsa – Non-harming, compassion

Satya – Truthfulness, integrity

Asteya – Non-stealing, non-possessive

Brahmacharya – Moderation, discernment of energy

Aparigraha – Non-grasping, non-hoarding, non-greed

This is most effective as a blueprint of self-love first, which makes it the ‘oxygen mask sutra’. Review the list again, now with your relationship towards your-SELF in mind…

It creates a whole new lens in which we can now choose to view others. We all have stuff, emotional and psychological sh*t we avoid unpacking because our focus is continually drawn outward by so many external forces. Think of it as the ‘do unto others sutra’ as well. [There's another sutra for the energy behind this force – Dvesah – which you can count on in a later post...]

It’s magnificently liberating.

Can we accept and love ourself – despite ‘alleged’ or culturally perceived physical flaws, career failures, parenting mishaps and all? Can we see everyone around us on the same playing field as equally human, with stressful jobs or stressful days; with naturally aging bodies; with complicated relationship dynamics, disappointment and their own practice of self-judgment?

“Every interaction with another human is an opportunity to learn – something about yourself, something about them and something about relationships.”

Dr. Carole Robin, Ph.D. - Stanford, Graduate School of Business

It need not stop us from striving for goals or accountability; it just provides us with the understanding that everyone’s behavior comes from some form of suffering. Once we see the causes of suffering within ourself, we find greater empathy and ‘spiritual logic’ in others’ behaviors too; it satisfies the many possibilities of why people do what they do.

My fire-breathing boss was a man going through a divorce; my close-minded colleague had a different flair for risk in his job as he had to support four kids at home; that curt customer service rep had poor training; who knows what that angry stranger in the park was suffering from; my client was a man experiencing the cultural pressure of fitting into the exact image of his corporate peers, and so on.

Would you rather be right or be at peace? In other words, put down the stone from the doorway of your glass house.

This orients us from a new position to choose a new communication style, choose a different reaction or not doing anything at all - refraining from the assumption that we are better than others. And sometimes the clarity we find is to limit engagement in a relationship or not engage at all.

Here are a few examples how these might be applied in day to day life:

1. Ahimsa: Practice the reflex of being more kind, accepting, and forgiving of yourself; it makes it way easier to be more kind and forgiving of others…

2. Satya: To uphold truthfulness, authenticity; act with integrity; “sit with your truth” - be mindful/aware of emotional reactions that don’t serve a purpose, rather seek to understand the ROOT of suffering in yourself or others…

3. Asteya: The urge to steal arises from a sense of unhappiness, incompleteness, and envy; are you hijacking someone else’s energy or material things for your own sole benefit; and likewise, are you enabling others to take your energy by saying “yes” when it might be wiser to say “no” at times…

4. Brahmacharya: Moderation and discipline of one's life force; notice the extreme behaviors that are destructive of your mind, body and spirit — excess consumption of the news, binge watching TV or overeating without caring for the body, emotional stubbornness in relationships, withholding compassion; one translation of brahmacharya I like is “walking in consciousness”…

5. Aparigraha: In what ways do you share abundance with others in need by trusting — believing you will experience it yourself; take not one more morsel than you need; “all the things of the world are yours to use, but not to own”…

Take 5

We can draw wisdom from many other sutras to help heal and enrich our relationships, so just consider this short list of five relationship principles (Yamas) as a start or source of information to guide your awareness practice from within.

And remember, it’s a practice. We don’t walk into a gym, finish one workout and walk out with a body that has been physically transformed into our goal. Yoga is about moving from suffering to contentment, and it happens as you build the reflex in your mind, over the course of many little situations - or perhaps many holidays.

We’ll put a pin in this tool and dive a bit deeper into the Yamas sometime later, in the coming weeks… stay tuned! As I shared earlier, learning about the Yamas during the very first month of my training really created a foundation that continues to ground me in my daily interactions. Returning to the tools and wisdom of our ancient yoga teachers daily or weekly, enables you to flex the mind muscle frequently enough so that it becomes more of an instant reflex, a lifestyle.

The ‘Oxygen Mask Sutra’

For now, as we move into the holiday most ripe with a variety of relationship dynamics, can you practice this ‘do unto others sutra’ before you hit the road for the weekend by looking at your interactions with yourself first through the lens of the Yamas:

1. Ahimsa: Can you react with compassion first when showing up in relationship experiencing conflict?

2. Satya: Can you sit with the truth of your own behaviors and see the root of your suffering?

3. Asteya: Can you notice how your interests or actions may be taking away from others and vice versa?

4. Brahmacharya: Can you practice moderation of the ego or with food – the two abundant elements of this holiday?

5. Aparigraha: Can you share the abundance of your gifts that do not involve words?

[Shout out to one of my greatest friends and teacher who posted the title phrase in her email signature line for many years. Thanks for the inspiration G!]

HOLIDAY BONUS!

Check out my restorative practice this week with the evergreen Loving Kindness Meditation! Perfect complement to Sutra 2.30, as an experience in radical grace for yourself and others. If you’ve never done this before, you’re in for a real treat!

Most people expect a yoga practice to involve flexibility and strength of the body, eventually leading to standing on your head. This is the great myth, for yoga is a lifestyle practice of flexibility and strength that is rooted in the mind.

The lens we choose to relate to a person, react to a situation or interact with the world can be changed. Yoga teaches us how to change the lens and see the deeper meaning below the surface.

This is practicing perspective.

Ok, But What Iiiiiis Yoga…?!

I know... You’ve probably experienced or learned about yoga through a wide range of teachers, organizations, marketing or entertainment, so that understanding may not be clear.

Here’s the deal. The general intention/meaning of the word “yoga” is: to join together, to link. Throughout the nearly 200 yoga sutras (the foundational text scribed over 2500 years ago) you’ll find the goal of yoga is to join body, mind and spirit; to become whole yourself and a part of the greater whole/universe/collective that exists energetically.

Practicing strength and flexibility in each of these three dimensions of the human experience can work as a tuning fork of sorts - it’s a process of calibrating human harmony.

Identifying imbalances that are causing suffering or blockages in one of those three dimensions - body, mind or spirit, gives us a hint where we can re-distribute strength with action, or ways we may need to be more flexible for another area to take priority in order to balance the three.

When we experience injury, or illness in the body, it affects our spirit - ever get bummed out when you can’t go to a party because you’re sick or can’t walk because you broke your pinky toe?

When our minds are chronically overwhelmed or clouded, we generate excess cortisol leading to disease in the body; or we may experience depression of the spirit.

When we are judgmental or bullying ourselves from the mind, the body and the spirit suffer.

If our spirit – or heart or often referenced as our soul – is weak, we can strengthen it by moving the body [think Zumba class or nature walk…] or through talk therapy or focusing the mind on something humorous or uplifting. Who can watch a cat video and not release endorphins…?

But Wait, There’s Morrrrre!

Of the three dimensions we’re talking about here, the mind is the ringleader when it comes to the most common source of imbalance. The second yoga sutra knows this about us humans like your Dentist knows whether you’ve been flossing or not. At the very beginning of this ‘being human’ textbook is the cut to the chase, ground zero of insight in the very second sutra:

Yoga Sutra 1.2

योगश्चित्तवृत्तिनिरोधः

Yogaś citta-vṛtti-nirodhaḥ

Yoga is harnessing/cessation of the fluctuations of the mind.

Why do we want to harness the fluctuations of the mind?

Because the thoughts in our mind often cause suffering in the body and the spirit/heart, which leads to behaviors and actions that aren’t in alignment with our core values, purpose or intentions.

Those ancient teachers of ours in the yoga tradition – 2500 years before social media, fast cars, and corporate ladders – were on to something. While yoga sutra wisdom was practiced and experienced in community settings lonnnnggg before white lab coats, brain scans and clipboards were even invented, modern research susses this out. Countless studies have demonstrated how meditation and mindfulness have measurable effects on the areas of your brain involved in muscle control and sensory perception, including emotions, memory, speech, seeing, hearing, and decision making. [Look out for my deep dive, link-rich research post to be posted soon - if not already posted at the time you’re reading this…!]

“A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes.”

~Mahatma Gandhi

Yoga empowers you with tools of awareness and discernment in all aspects of your life - at home, at work, at school, in your car, on the bus, at the grocery store, on the toilet, on the subway, everywhere you actively think. You don’t even need a mat.

All you need is curiosity and a little practice of perspective with friends here.

Try This:

So where do you find the greatest imbalance today, in this moment - body? Mind? Or Spirit? Make note on this routinely and return here for simple, accessible tools that will bring balance.

Mind says “Go this way, hurry up before it’s too late!”

“You can’t.
She won’t listen.
He doesn’t care.

This is the truth.” Ego chatters.

Mind remains attached to characters of a story, of its own making.
Stories that ignore heart and serve Mind.

Mind moves us into shadows,
then questions clarity
with blind duplicity.
It invites chaos and welcomes indecision.

It does not need truth to function; only words.

Or an offering by Ego.
Mind believes what it believes.

Until one day, mind meets Inquiry.

Inquiry begins the practice of perspective.

Ego fusses.

Inquiry quiets mind.

Inquiry asks not what it is; inquiry asks how it feels…
Inquiry creates space;
to breathe deeper, to spread out wings for a birdseye view, to see differently than before,

…before the mind was quieted.

Mind concedes,

“I see now….” Mind says.

“Thank you Inquiry, that’s enough for now.”
Says the heart, with a whisper.
“Let’s just be…”

Inhale….. and exhale…
Inhale…. and exhale…

“For how long?”, Mind asks
“Forever…?” asks Ego.

“For now…”, the heart reminds.

“The soul has been given its own ears to hear things the mind does not understand.”

~Rumi, 13th Century Poet and Mystic

THE MORAL OF THE STORY

The mind is conditioned, just like a muscle. It’s conditioned during our childhood, by the predominant people involved in our early stages of ‘being’ (I’m looking at you, adults). Then culture, peers and entertainment add another layer of influence during those highly impressionable teenage years. And the good news is, Inquiry is a tool to re-condition the mind to become more purposeful, more collaborative with the heart first rather than the ego.

Yoga Sutra 1.8:

विपर्ययो मिथ्याज्ञानमतद्रूपप्रतिष्ठम्

viparyayo mithyājñānamatadrūpapratiṣṭham

When we perceive something incorrectly in the mind (i.e. narrative loops or stories), it leads us to believe something false, which in turn causes mental disturbance – a.k.a. suffering.

Practicing awareness first is a sort of muscle of the mind that we learn from yoga. Just like bicep reps and lunges recondition muscles of the body, pausing to notice how your thoughts are making you feel is the first step of re-conditioning your mind. Inquiry is a reflex to that awareness, leading us to the practice of perspective.

This is one of many ways you can experience yoga without stepping onto the mat or taking an hour out of your day to attend a class (although attending a group class with other yogis has its own delicious benefits!)

Becoming aware of the narrative in our mind and loosening our grip from one single perspective is a process of inquiry. Even just one minute of rapid fire alternative possibilities or fact-checking is a powerful position to work from when managing fear, stress, anxiety, shame, anger and worry, as some of the more common unhealthy emotional signals activated in the mind.

The yoga sutras – especially sutra 1.8 – are a critical starting point to understanding how yoga is a direct path to reducing stress, strengthening relationships and experiencing more ease, or even better, more joy.

Sit with that… Breathe Deeper

Take a few longer exhales than your inhales and see how that feels on your nervous system.

We’ll unpack the characters of this bedtime story in our practice together. Trust me, I’ve been there and I can show you the way.

This is the role of the Acharya - a title of sorts in yogic and buddhist wisdom. Not a guru, more of a companion. Like a friendly, helpful sophomore to your freshman who is ready to show you around the school of life. Just someone that happens to be a bit farther along on a path that feels a lot like the path you’re currently on.

As an Acharya, I’m turning on the flashlight of my smartphone to shine it down behind me as we travel what may feel like a maze in the wee hours of the night, so you can see the path and decide when and where to take your next step. I’ll be right here when you’re ready.